Ego Recordings
Realization Ego is Just a Recorder

By perceiving ego recordings as biological programs, I realized I was subconsciously embracing emotions, and how I became so entangled as the IDENTITY ,as "me" my whole life.  The other day when I was delightfully spending some time with my granddaughter, I had the most amazing realizations.  While doing my own witnessing, and engaging less with my ego, I have been witnessing my first granddaughter since her birth.  Observing with awareness how she is being programmed.  She came in with a clean slate and needs the programming.  Simultaneously, I was and still am deprogramming, and it’s been the most amazing observations to witness.

Before this particular day that I spent with my granddaughter, I really felt and believed my ego to be a real identity personality.  Yes me, not just ego recordings as an actual thing.  However, from natural mediation and being more and more aware of not engaging in my ego for awhile, I still experienced it to be quite the challenge, because I had identified too much emotion into it as a real being.  Which IT was.  It was mostly me, the me I’ve known my whole life.  Even all that’s positive about me, or loving, and also what’s negative, it was all lumped into one identity of me.  I couldn’t really separate myself from my ego recordings because I was always going back and forth, negative to positive. 

It took consistent meditation, being conscious and aware to pause and continuously re-correcting whenever I noticed my ego mind of ego recordings kick in.  As many masters have stated, that “nothing has built in meaning until we give meaning to it” really hit home in a big way since my granddaughter has been born.  Previously I had been tryng to undo so much meaning I no longer wanted because I realized how much most of it wasn’t serving me.  However, observing my granddaughter as one of my greatest teachers allowed me to make great strides in seeing my ego recordings for what it really was, just recordings, which also magnified my walking meditation or natural meditation.

Being the Witness Creates the Space
 Needed to Just Watch the Ego Recordings

When I came upon the realization while watching with awareness my granddaughter week by week, and all the continuous changes she’s going through, and how her clean slate of NO IDENTITY of ego recordings was now becoming an identity.  A clean slate being filled with data of experiences of her ego mind programming of recordings.  Of course my granddaughter is my youngest sons daughter, so it was quite entangling because, guess who raised and filled some of his ego mind, ego recordings when he was growing up.  So interesting it all is indeed.

The realization that was my aha revelation moments, and expanding consciousness, while being more aware that is also becoming more consciously aware of what was once unconscious, not aware was spiraling all around me.  As a result I also experienced intense vertigo too, once again.  It really was a major revelation for me.  I actually had major panic attacks in the first year of meditatively witnessing since my granddaughter’s birth.  As my ego personality of ego recordings began to unravel my own personality identity, and really experiencing having no identity.  

I literally felt like I was dying, it was one of the scariest experiences I have been through so far, but it was my ego personality, all those ego recordings that I was so unified and identified with instead of my infinite self.  Mostly it’s referred to as the “dark night of the soul”  but OMG!  I really wondered how many deep nights of the soul must I keep going through?  Which also lead me to no longer seeing it as that anymore.  I began to just change the meaning and see it only as a wonderful enlightenment processes, but it really shows us how entangled we are with our PROGRAMMING.  It's now reversing, as my ego personality of ego recordings is becoming so separate, and my infinite self is becoming more unified.

No Identity v/s Learning to Become
an Identity of Ego Recordings

Just BEING able to witness my granddaughter who was a clean slate infinite spirit have no identity, and watch how the identity is formed onto that recorder of her mind.  How she had to be taught that she’s a person. Watching how long it took her to learn her name, and become attached to her name as her new personality.  As she was learning who she was and also learning who my son and daughter in law were to her, her parents, I was witnessing how her programming of her personality was continuously being formed. 

At first she seen all males as daddy’s and all females as mommy’s, until she learned the differences.  Also the first time she was put in front of a mirror, she was scared and didn’t understand what it was or who was in the mirror, that it was her, because she didn’t identify yet with her personality as her-self.

Spontaneous Instantaneous Emotions
turn to Set Emotions in Memory
of the Ego Recordings

Last week I really noticed how weeks previously she was so instantaneous with her emotions.  When she was happy, sad, angry and so on, she’d be in that emotional state for a few minutes and quickly shift to another, like a snapping of our fingers.  This week she has learned and stays in certain emotions now longer, and is putting meaning into different emotions from different experiences she is having.  I witnessed how guilt is formed, how sadness is formed, how condition are formed, and so many emotions are literally formed.  It’s actually so magnificent to watch a clean slate becoming filled, while I was undoing my filled slate.

I could go on and on about many of these types of awareness's of her becoming her identity.  The most important part for me, and why I am sharing all this with you is, that as she was filling her clean slate, I was undoing my already over full slate.  This has been a major revelation in self realization and also helped me to see things in such a different perception. 

Another great benefit is that she and I interact as two infinite spirits most of the time, because I can so easily connect to her infinite self when I am just as awareness, and it’s so amazing.  Because there’s no judgment, no levels of hierarchy as me being the elder and so on, we’re just two infinite souls playing and enjoying ourselves.  And this overflows and unfolds more and more into everyday life from these exuberant experiences with her.

I also recommend watching the animated movie “Inside Out” I watched it and it really gets to the point of all this, and though it’s animated, as an adult go back and have some exuberant fun and watch it.

Process of Enlightenment not a One Time Experience

Of course this is what this journey of enlightenment is all about. However, when it’s so literally occurring through our own experiences, and when you really hold up that invisible mirror with everyone, it is a major enlightening experience.  My experiences of enlightenment has not been a one time “wake up” deal as with EckhartTolle, it’s been a long drawn out process of stages throughout many many years.

I’ve come to realize not just intellectually that our ego is just a “recorder” recording all that comes into contact with us while we are growing up from when we’re born.  I can see it as a machine recording.  We as infinite spirit, unconsciously embrace all these “programming of recordings” that become emotionally etched, and unconsciously embraced into our personality as the real self.  So attached and one with that “programming recordings” believing it’s really us, now I realize it’s not.  It’s our personality we’ve subconsciously developed over time and became so addicted to. 

I know we can know this at an intellectual level, and even go through sparks of processes off and on through this journey, until we really absorb it to really knowing it through the actual experience of it.  Literally, we never see life the same as we did in our ego programming mind of recordings, once we become and embrace with our infinite self.  We then see the LIGHT.  The personality we were so addicted and thought was us, never was, it was a game we played to get to this part of the earth game.

Interesting Experience of
Tapping into a Book’s Information

I also want to share with you how naturally infinite you can tap into what’s needed, when it’s needed, while not realizing until after how amazing synchronicity and telepathy really is.

I referred Osho’s book, The Secrets of 112 Meditations to a great friend, but yet I haven’t had a chance to read it myself, except for the first few pages.  My intention was to read it because it seemed to be another great book of Osho’s.  As my friend and I were discussing our experiences, and I was telling her about my granddaughter and my experiences that I shared with you.  The same week I was going through these experiences, she was actually reading a chapter from the book describing what Osho was recommending as a meditation to do.  Which was to go back to when we were a child, to be able to see what we need to undo as a personality of recorded programming. 

Though I have been doing this “witnessing” since she’s been born and onward, it was the actual word “recorder and recordings” that was so dominant that week for me.  Until we spoke about it all, we each had no idea what was going on with each other.  So it seems that as she was reading the book and contemplating on what she was reading, and I was picking up on the information and using it that week in my own life with my granddaughter.  To really see the ego mind’s programming as a literal object recordings as a machine, which helped me separate myself from that personality that really was no longer me.  I felt so divorced and separate from the identity of the old person-a-lity.  And so much more alive and one with the Infinite.